When I first discovered that I was pregnant with newbaby, I wasn't excited. That's not to say that I wasn't happy, because I was. But excitement, the thrill that runs through your nerves and tingles in your fingers and feet like sparklers, I didn't have that. Excitement is the emotion you feel on Christmas Eve when your heart is bursting with joyous anticipation. When Christian and I were dating, and I knew I was about to see him again, I used to feel excitement so intense it was almost painful. My heart would race and I couldn't sit still and everything I saw seemed framed in golden confetti.

What I felt when I saw the two {two!} pink lines on my pregnancy test was much different. I felt calm, and a beautiful sense of peace. In our church, we associate that feeling with reassurance from the Holy Spirit, a confirmation that signals rightness and alignment with God's plan for us. It's the reason that I believe newbaby was meant to come to our family now, and not that Christian and I made a huge goofy mistake.

The thing is, after planning for and picturing newbaby, after imagining what our family will be like six months from now, I'm super excited. We didn't get to have a normal anything with Max and Maggie, and you know that perfect moment right after the baby is born and you get to hold him for the first time? I'm looking forward to that like crazy.

*motherhood photo by Oana Befort


Blogging Again & An Announcement

So, remember last year, you guys? Last year on Thanksgiving I posted that I was pregnant. A day later I threw in the fact that we were expecting twins. And since I hadn't shared anything about how we had been trying to have a baby for two and a half years, I didn't include any of my "finally! Finally! I'm going to be a mommy!" feelings in that post. In fact, my blogging was incredibly nonchalant considering my emotional state.

This year, I have another little announcement to share. So much has changed in our lives, but you may be surprised to learn my news hasn't. Yup yup yup, I'm pregnant again.

A couple months ago I started getting carsick while sitting in the front passenger seat -- that was my first clue. Then I started counting backward, and realizing that something didn't happen when it should have. Because of all the times before my first pregnancy when I would say to Christian, "I think I'm pregnant!" and then it would turn out not to be the case, I didn't say anything to him. I just handed him a positive pregnancy test one Sunday morning.

{I was also carrying Max at the time, and considered handing the test to him to give to Christian, but then I thought about how everything that Max gets in his hands ends up in his mouth. And, you know, I peed on that test. So gross.}

We've already started getting a few questions about this pregnancy. Questions like, "Was this expected?" and "Are you guys excited?" and the always-hilarious "You guys know how that happens, right?" To possibly forestall any of those questions ending up in the comments section, let me answer them here.

Firstly, no, we weren't planning or expecting to get pregnant. Like I mentioned, it took two and half years the first time. {Also, rounds of injections, fertility drugs, and a minor surgical procedure. IVF is rough, y'all.} So we were prepared for the possibility that Max and Maggie would be our only two babies ever. We also hoped that I would be one of those women who has a much easier time after her first successful pregnancy. We didn't anticipate that it would be quite so easy.

Secondly, yes. We are grateful that I'm pregnant again, and are happily dreaming about and making plans for newbaby. We know that life isn't going to be easy with two fourteen-month-olds and a newborn, but we also want a big crazy family, and it's exciting to see how that's beginning to become a reality.

Thirdly, geez, could you BE any more condescending? No, but seriously, I've read my fair share of books on fertility, so duhdoy.

I'm going to try to do a better job of blogging during the next six months until newbaby comes {I'm due in May again, isn't that crazy?}, but I have to admit that not blogging for the past 84 days has freed up some time. Or maybe I'm finally getting the hang of mothering twins? I guess we'll see how everything plays out.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

*pregnancy photo by Kelly Hicks Design & Photography