When I first discovered that I was pregnant with newbaby, I wasn't excited. That's not to say that I wasn't happy, because I was. But excitement, the thrill that runs through your nerves and tingles in your fingers and feet like sparklers, I didn't have that. Excitement is the emotion you feel on Christmas Eve when your heart is bursting with joyous anticipation. When Christian and I were dating, and I knew I was about to see him again, I used to feel excitement so intense it was almost painful. My heart would race and I couldn't sit still and everything I saw seemed framed in golden confetti.

What I felt when I saw the two {two!} pink lines on my pregnancy test was much different. I felt calm, and a beautiful sense of peace. In our church, we associate that feeling with reassurance from the Holy Spirit, a confirmation that signals rightness and alignment with God's plan for us. It's the reason that I believe newbaby was meant to come to our family now, and not that Christian and I made a huge goofy mistake.

The thing is, after planning for and picturing newbaby, after imagining what our family will be like six months from now, I'm super excited. We didn't get to have a normal anything with Max and Maggie, and you know that perfect moment right after the baby is born and you get to hold him for the first time? I'm looking forward to that like crazy.

*motherhood photo by Oana Befort


  1. So excited for you. I told Mike this means that we can start trying for number two ;)

    Also loving the look of your blog.

  2. @Emily -- thanks so much!

    @Elizabeth -- as long as you're both ready for the crazy. We definitely wouldn't have planned having kids this close together {three kids in fourteen months is some kind of nuts}, but two close in age seems more doable. :) And thanks! It's the first time in a long time that I haven't designed my own template, and it feels oddly like a relief.

  3. I know exactly what you mean about being excited for a "normal" pregnancy and that moment to hold the baby when they're born. Seems like although you can never get that moment back with the twins, that having that moment will fulfill something in your heart. That's how I feel about it, anyway. So excited for you!

  4. I just stumbled across your blog and I LOVE it so much. And this story in particular.