Goodness. I keep meaning to post more often, and I keep getting sidetracked by other activities. Mainly things like feeding babies, feeding myself, and squeezing in my bi-weekly shower. There are even days when I think to myself, "I'm going to tweet today," and I can't even get that done. True story. {Although honestly, spending a fair amount of time on Pinterest takes precedence over Twitter every time.}

I have so many things I want to do every day. I want to clean my house. I want to plan the family get-together we'll have after the babies' blessing. I want to plant the flowers that have been sitting on my patio for two weeks, and I want to hang the artwork that has been leaning against the nursery dresser for just as long.

I didn't realize a lot of things before the babies were born, but I think mostly the thing that I didn't realize was how little time I would have left for myself. I crave time. I'm hungry for a few peaceful seconds to myself.

At this point, I'm going to make myself feel guilty if I don't add the caveat "I love my babies." I start many frustration-venting conversations with the phrase "I love my babies, but..." And I do love my babies. I love my babies so much, sometimes I think my heart will break. I love my babies so much, I just sit and rock them when I should be eating breakfast. My babies are wonderful and adorable, and with them in my life I feel more confident, strong, and more myself than I ever have before.

BUT I didn't realize how hard raising twins would be.

I keep reassuring myself with the words of other mothers, who have told me that the first year is the hardest. I tell myself, "this is just a phase. Enjoy your tiny babies now, and don't worry about everything else -- it will keep." And someday I will have time to myself again. Someday I will do more than just survive.


  1. Those other mothers are right. Your babies are so precious. I think it would be awesome for you if you could carve a little time for you- an extra long shower or bath, a trip to the grocery store by yourself, or a little twenty minute project while your husband watches your sweeties. It's not selfish to give yourself a little bit of time, especially since you'll be more renewed and a little more ready to be up several times a night. :)

  2. This was so lovely and so honest. Bless you. And bless those babies.

  3. i always wonder how mothers of twins do more than just survive. having just one baby was the hardest and most time consuming thing ever. the first year was great but so very hard. this year has been infinitely better. but you're right, enjoy those tiny moments that are happening. you'll love thinking back to them. and congrats on your two little angels!

  4. The first year is for sure the hardest--but I can only imagine life with one! I'm sure that this is especially true for twins. I'm sure you are a wonderful mother, Mary! Your babies are adorable!

  5. I love pictures of a sleeping baby and this is an ADORABLE picture of your sweet baby!!~

  6. I love this post. It's beautiful and honest. I am constantly amazed that you are caring for 2 babies. You are incredible.

  7. I can absolutely relate to all your posts about motherhood. I have a 7-month-old (only one!), and I am overwhelmed, exhausted, frustrated and yet...absolutely in love with her...every single day. Devoting myself completely to another person and having her depend on me for everything is a complete 180 from what I was used to before having her. But yes, I guess they do say it gets easier. I am trying to enjoy every moment while I can. :)