I Never Want to Hear...

Being a mother of twins has opened me up to a world of strained conversation with well-intentioned strangers and, often, the same questions over and over and over. There are some things I never get tired of hearing; for example, whenever someone introduces themselves and says that they also have twins, I always reply, "I've heard that it gets easier." I love the encouragement that unfailingly follows. However, not being a great conversationalist, and not being someone who particularly enjoys small talk, I do get frustrated from time to time. Here are six sentences that I wouldn't mind never hearing again:

"You've certainly got your hands full."
Easily the most-heard comment from strangers, it mostly just makes me feel like I look incompetent. Right? I know people are trying to be nice, but the implications are unflattering.

"So are you getting any sleep?"
Again, more than anything, this just makes me think I look tired. Of course I'm getting sleep, my babies are almost ten months old. Ask me again when I have two fourteen-month-olds and a newborn. And speaking of...

"It will be so much easier with just one."
Maybe with just one, but add in my other two (for a grand total of three babies), and I don't think it will come anywhere close to easy. When I was pregnant with Max and Maggie, this comment took the form of, "It's good you're having twins first because you won't know how much harder it is." Um, I can guess.

"Are they identical?"
I try to be nice when I get this question (which is surprisingly often). I try not to reply, "You know that's impossible, right?" Because just to clarify, identical means that they have the exact same genetic makeup, not just that they look alike (more on this in a moment). So boy/girl twins can't be identical. They're fraternal.

"They sure do look alike."
Well, not really. They're both white babies with blue eyes, but otherwise I think they look about as alike as Christian and I do. Honestly, it's like they have zero features in common. Maggie has my eyes, nose, cheeks and ears, but ginger hair (we're not sure where she got it) and Christian's mouth. Max has Christian's eyes, nose, cheeks and ears, my hair color and mouth, and mystery donor dimples.

"He's drooling."
I feel like someone might as well say, "He's breathing on me." Notify me when he spits up; I am uninterested until then.

Is there anything you've tired of hearing as a mother? Have you ever gotten any of these comments and questions? I'd love to hear your experiences!

*image by Stefany Alves


  1. People make incorrect gender assumptions at surprising times, like when Sydney is wearing a good amount of pink or has a flower in her hair. What kind of mother do they think I am that I would dress my BOY like that?

    When Sydney was still itty bitty, I got the sleep question a lot. And I felt the same way, like do I look terrible or something??

    For some reason, it kind of bums me out when, usually older people, tell me how fast the time is going to go. They say things like "just wait until she's a teenager and she's not nearly as sweet!"

    And btw, if I didn't know you and saw you walking around with twinners and a baby on the way and I'd think "Rockstar". Well, I do know you and I think that anyway...

  2. Haha, I agree with everything you and Kelley said! I also hate when people tell me Makayla has spit up. Before you all judge me, she has really bad acid reflux, so she spits up ALL. THE. TIME. And lots and lots of it. So she's ALWAYS covered in it, and I'm always covered in it. I know they mean well, but sometimes I can't drop everything to wipe up her spit up IMMEDIATELY, so I let it sit for a min. when my heads are full. But it's just annoying more for the fact that she NEVER stops spitting up which is just frustrating. And I think you're a rockstar too! :)

  3. From babydom: "Wow, his feet must be cold!" Actually, old lady, they aren't. And if you'd like to see his face turn a ridiculous shade of maroon and listen to some high-pitched wailing, you're welcome to try to shove some socks on him. I'll be over here.

    From toddlerdom: "He sure has a good set of lungs!" Wow, judgmental-lady-in-the-Target-checkout-line, I never noticed.

    Hang in there, mama!

  4. People just look at Lily and then look at me in silence like they are trying to figure out how my baby looks nothing like me. I mean who is as pale as a ghost and has a mega tan baby? I have gotten asked if she was adopted once, though.

    Even Wor comments on her drool...a habit I desperately want him to stop.

  5. I hear the first comment all the time/anytime I go out. I get sick of it. But I have come to say Thank You and be appreciative of it even if I don't care for the comment.

    In all honestly I don't think it get's "easier" with twins. Maybe in some aspects... like they can feed themselves, walk , talk or dress themselves. But each stage is hard and to adjust to it is the way to make things easier so you can get through it.

    I am currently trying to think of how to potty train (they are 3.5 years old) and that is hard. Their younger sister is 21 months old and wants to potty train before them. I am not sure what to do. It will come soon. :)

    Good luck, I get annoyed too with the questions but slowly we all learn how to deal with it in our own ways.

  6. @kelley: I've had people assume that I have two boys, even when Maggie is wearing pink, and I so don't get it. Maybe the old people are bitter? Like couples who are convinced you don't know what marriage is going to be like when you're just engaged, so it's their job to enlighten you. And thanks!!

    @Marisha: Haha, thanks! And I do get tired of hearing about spit up also, but I understand it more than drool. Drool doesn't even stain or smell or anything!

    @BiblioMOMia: Isn't it crazy when strangers think they know how to take care of your child better than you do? It's something I'll never understand.

  7. @Hannah: When I was babysitting my half-Hispanic niece, people would say, "Oh, she looks just like you!" And I would be astounded, because she looks just like her dad. Still, it seems kinder than obvious disbelief.

    @nelsonjeneen: Is "thank you" the right thing to say? I never know, and usually end up sputtering out an awkward "I sure do." I understand what you mean about adjusting to different stages -- once Maggie learns to crawl, I can tell I'll be hard pressed to keep up with both of them going in opposite directions. Good luck with potty training!

  8. So funny. Spit is basically my perfume, so I get the frustrating "he's drooling" comment.~

  9. I think I'll go with "you've sure got your hands full!" It happens whether they're in the stroller or whether one's in a carrier and I'm carrying the other baby and some groceries up the stairs to the apartment. I've also had the gender thing going on for forever. Even now, as much boy and girl as each baby looks, I get an even mix of "two boys?" and "two girls?" and C wears pink 90% of the time. I love the identical question. You're standing there like, well, um, no, they're different genders. And people smile at you like that doesn't answer the question.

    In photos your babies definitely look similar to each other, for me it's mostly their head shapes. I wouldn't say they look identical by any means, but they look like they belong to each other.

    What I will never tire of? "Twins? Wow - they're so cute!" I've noticed in the last few months that fewer people stop me at the store too. Does that happen to you all the time? It felt like every time I went out I spent half my shopping trip talking to people about how I had twins.

  10. Now that we have three random people think its ok to ask if we are done. Which is a question I dont mind from someone I know, but it really annoys me when the dentist asks. Do they really want to know that I plan on contributing to overpopulation?

  11. I'm so sorry. Some people are so insensitive. I think you are doing a great job as a mom. :) The question I don't really like is when am I having another one. I've lost two babies in the last two years and I'm clearly not in control of that aspect. Anyway, mostly it's just people that don't know or are too intrusive.

  12. @Ashton: Agreed -- I never ever get tired of people telling me they're adorable. It happens pretty often; I think two just attract more attention than one. And yes, I get stopped quite a bit. Sometimes it's nice, and sometimes I'm in a hurry and wish people would realize that I'm not where I am for their entertainment.

    @Rachel: We sometimes get "Boy and a girl? If I were you, I'd be done" which seems less personal than straight up asking if you plan to have more kids. Of course, right now I can just mention that I'm expecting, and that sends their jaws to the floor.

    @Emily: Thanks, I appreciate it! I don't think anyone should ever ask when someone is planning to have kids, either their first or subsequent kids -- it's just too sensitive a subject, especially since there's no way to know if they're touching on a painful issue. I'm so sorry for what you've had to go through. I know it's incredibly hard.

  13. Ah yes - annoying twin questions. I'm surprised people try to compare your fraternal twins! That always happened to me but then again, we were identical. Also, my mom always told me that compared to her singletons, we were the hardest for the first year or so and after that, the easiest. Hopefully it's the same for you!

  14. Secretly: My "Thank you" is sarcastic. I know that is so mean but oh well. :)

  15. I have a whole list. And I am using this post as fodder for a babble post (hope you don't mind - I'll link back).

    We constantly get jokes about how underfed he is because Tate is such a chubby baby. And constantly are asked where his hair is? Ah, yes so clever! We didn't realize our baby is bald.

    Also, I just hate when people what is wrong with him when he is fussy. Most of the time I don't know. Could I just blame teething? Sure. But as babies can't talk, I'll never know, I just do my best to make him happy.

    Have I mentioned how happy I am that you are blogging again?

  16. I get these all the time, and I have to say that it is VERY hard to not respond. I have taken to just lifting one eyebrow and tilting my head to the side. If you just stare them straight in the eye, they usually go away. What REALLY drives me nuts it the TOUCHING. Who are you to be toughing my babies! Yes, there are two, but I don't need you to reach out and try to 'help' by holding his hand. He puts that in his mouth and until you just touched it, I knew it was clean. Thanks for the 'help' now back away from my baby before I loose my mind!!!

    Seriously, people- don't touch babies that don't belong to you!

  17. My baby was early and it would irritate me so much when people would say "wow that's the smallest baby I have ever seen". (and I seriously heard it every time I left the house) ...I felt like I was being judged and they were really wanting to say, what did you do while you were pregnant to make him not grow!