Here Comes Another One

You may have heard, our little baby Leo was born seven and a half weeks ago. He is gorgeous and sweet and growing fatter every day.

This pregnancy was a tough one for me. It wasn't as difficult physically as my first {although I did end up going to physical therapy for both shoulder and back pain - it turns out being pregnant for almost three years straight will mess your body up}, but emotionally I couldn't deal. The whole time I felt either exhausted or defeated or just incredibly stressed because of everything I couldn't get done.

When I went past my due date I thought I would explode with frustration. And the more short-tempered I was with my family, the more inadequate I felt. WHY, I said to myself, was I being given another baby when I couldn't even take care of the ones I already had?

I did experience a few golden moments while I was pregnant with Leo, when Christian was playing with our children and they were all laughing hysterically, and I could see past the haze of my own discomfort and it would come to me: this is why Leo wants to join our family. He wants to be a part of this.

I went eight days past my due date before I was induced. I delivered Leo without an epidural as a test of my own strength, to prove to myself that I could. If you were wondering why I look exhausted in the pictures above, that's why. I was so tired I couldn't even open my eyes to look at him when the nurse placed him in my arms. I was shaking with shock and pain, and I could only just hold onto him.

Since Leo's birth, life has been incredible. Not all aspects, not always {trying to get enough food and sleep is an uphill battle, my older kids watch TV all day, and none of my clothes fit}, but having him here brings peace to my heart. I don't know if our family is complete, but whatever hunger that's been pushing me to have ALL THE BABIES is gone. I feel like I've finished running a marathon and I'm now allowed to rest {metaphorically, I mean} and focus on raising these four. It's good. It's a good feeling.



P.S. Read about when Maggie and Max were born, when they were in the hospital, here are a couple posts from when Lucy was born, and here is her birth story.

One Two Three Four...

Hey, friends. I wanted to share some news with you.



I'm pregnant!! {Um, again!} We're expecting baby number four {who is a BOY, we found out earlier today} in early December.

I thought about making some kind of awesome tear-inducing announcement video {see: example}, but I'm 18 weeks along and haven't been able to find the time yet. {As you can see in the awkward self-portrait above, I can't even find the time to ask someone else to take my picture, or at least clean my bathroom mirror. I DID spend 45 minutes on Pinterest today, so rest assured my priorities are all in line.}

If you've done the math, you've realized that our baby boy will be born before Max and Maggie's third birthday, so yes, four under three is what we're looking at here. Honestly, it was a lot to take in at first, and I had a hard time emotionally for a little while. I feel so ungrateful saying it, especially when I know there are those out there who are struggling with infertility and would give anything to be pregnant. We just didn't expect this baby to come so soon.

I think I first began to feel really excited when Candis posted this photo on Instagram. It reminded me why I love growing this {not so} little family of mine so much, why it's worth it, and how great we are together. {Thank you, Candis. Reading that caption still brings tears to my eyes, every time.} When we had our first ultrasound and heard the baby's heartbeat, all my doubts flew out the window and now I cannot wait.

We are beyond excited. Having babies is kind of addicting, I've found. ;)