Goal One

{ print by Emily McDowell on Etsy }
Last week I made five goals for myself in 2013. The first was to read one new book each month. It's a modest goal as far as reading goes {at least for someone who still likes to brag about the fact that she first read Gone With the Wind when she was 12}, but I'm taking a slow-but-steady approach to my goals this year.

I've always considered myself a reader {I am one who reads}, and then about two years ago I read an amazing book and afterward kind of just stopped cold. I can't explain it, it's inexplicable. But just because I can't put a name to a problem doesn't mean the problem can't be fixed. Reading is important to me, so in 2013 I will start trying to read again.

I've decided I'm going to start out the year by finishing Life of Pi in January. {If you're thinking, I thought everyone had read that book already, then I'm pretty sure you're right. Everyone else has, just not me.} I started it for the second time several months ago, and so far I absolutely love it, but I'm still only 46 pages in. Yikes.

Subsequently, I've planned: The Corrections {February}, The Kite Runner {March}, A Thousand Splendid Suns {April}, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time {May}, Mystic River {June}, The Architecture of Happiness {July}, A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy {August}, The Right Stuff {September}, On The Road {October}, One Hundred Years of Solitude {November}, and A Visit from the Goon Squad {December}.

I'm marking my progress and I'll be posting my reviews on Goodreads, if you'd like to follow along.

Have you read any of the books on my list for this year? {I'd love to hear your thoughts! Just no spoilers, please.} And do you have any recommendations for me, should I finish my list early and find myself with extra reading time?

What I Am Is an Optimist

{ image by StefanyAlves }
I've been sitting here tonight, browsing Pinterest for an image that accurately reflects my general mood and writing this post in my head {much better than how it will actually turn out, I'm sure}, trying to find the right words so that this doesn't come across as entirely cheesy and cliche and opportunistic. Because I find myself, for the first time that I can remember, deeply and sincerely in love with the opportunity that the changing of the calendar year brings. I'm excited to set new goals for myself; my heart feels thirsty for achievement.

And maybe that's overly dramatic, but maybe this year I'll stop apologizing for being overly dramatic. Maybe this year, my wildest dreams will come true. It's possible, right? Certainly it's more possible if I believe it's possible, and other similar pseudo-paradoxical motivational sayings.

Am I rambling? I feel like I'm rambling, but maybe this is the year that I stop apologizing for rambling. Maybe this is the year that I stop apologizing for the person that I am, and I just become more of myself. I think that's my overarching goal for 2013: less of doing nothing, being nothing, trying to be other people, and much more of becoming a bigger, better, more ME version of me.

I've also set some smaller, more tangible, more check-off-my-list-y kind of goals. To give me direction and boost my morale. Here they are, both those that I've been thinking about for weeks and those that I'm making up right this very minute:

1. Read a new book each month.
2. Take this course.
3. Re-do our living room and kitchen.
4. Read my scriptures every day.
5. Blog at least three times a week, and {for better or worse} start accepting sponsors by July.

Honestly, I'm a little bit afraid right now. I'm afraid of setting goals, I'm afraid of failing {and with an audience}. Last time I was excited about setting goals for myself, this happened, and I started 2010 feeling more confused and lost from myself than possibly I ever had before. It was terrible, but I know that not trying is worse.

And I'm interested: what goals have you set for yourself this year? Do any of them involve books? {I'm going to write more about my first goal in another post -- there's a lot I want to say.}

P.S. I'd like to thank these two sweethearts for helping me find the courage to write this post.

Why I Read

We had family over for dinner on Sunday, and at one point I glanced over and saw that my brother-in-law's girlfriend was looking at books with Maggie. She had three books in her hand, and showed each of them to Maggie, letting her pick one to read. And Maggie was enthralled. The books weren't even open yet, but she was just captivated. I knew that she loved books, but since she sits in my lap when we read, I hadn't seen that look of interest and concentration on her face. And I thought, "Why does this baby girl love books so much? What is it about them that draws her in?"

A few months ago, I was reading a dear friend's blog post in which she discussed why she reads. {I hope she doesn't mind that I'm mentioning her; I didn't tell her I was writing this post beforehand.} I wasn't surprised by what she said, because it's something that we've talked about before, but what she said stuck in my mind because my own reasons have always been so different. Since then I've been pondering why I read books, and I think I'm ready with my answer.

Just for Fun

I saw this list of the School Library Journal's poll result compiling the top 100 Children's Novels on this blog, and thought it would be fun to go through and see how many I've read.  The ones I've read are marked in bold.  I counted a total of sixty, including all of the top ten {although it's almost probable that I miscounted.  I'm not very good at counting -- feel free to count for yourself and tell me in a comment how many I've actually read}, which I attribute to my mother, who always encouraged us to read, and who had excellent taste in children's books.  In fact, the fact that I haven't read all of them speaks more to my stubbornness, since I always have a hard time wanting to read a book if I didn't discover it for myself.

Looking at this list {along with hearing Heather talk about how irritating Anne of Green Gables can be when you're an adult} reminds me how much I used to enjoy children's books, and how much I love reading.  I've gotten out of the habit lately, partly because I set reading goals for myself that I find it hard to reach, which takes some of the fun out of reading, and partly because I can't find anything good to read.  I'm thinking that maybe I might take some time to read the books on this list that I didn't read when I was younger.

Atonement: A Combined Book & Movie Review

*Please be aware that this post contains spoilers, so if you want to experience Atonement for yourself, you should stop reading now.  Just know that I highly recommend the book to everyone, except people who dislike unhappy endings, and people who don't enjoy having to skip over sex stuff.*

After finishing Atlas Shrugged in January, I immediately declared it to be one of the best books I would ever read in my lifetime.  I read Anthem, We the Living, The Fountainhead, and Atlas Shrugged right in a row {with time out for Wicked -- and wasn't that a mistake}, immersing myself in the fiction of Ayn Rand and loving every minute of it. 

However, since then, I have read nothing.  And by nothing, I mean no new books.  I've read magazines, and traffic signs, and e-mails.  I re-read Emma {instigating our Emma and Clueless movie marathon}.  But I haven't read any new books.  And that's strange for me.  Perhaps Ayn Rand spoiled me for any other reading, perhaps I was overwhelmed by my New Year's goal to read more books.  Maybe I was intimidated by Christian's reading prowess.  I don't know the reason, but I do know that Christian read 26 books this year, while I read a grand total of... one.

The one I read was Atonement.  And then I watched the movie.*  And here's what I thought: they were both super-good.

The book was exciting in its attention to detail and rich descriptions, in the relatability of its characters, in the way it took time to build before climactic moments.  The movie {as with many movies} doesn't have time to adequately explore every aspect of the book.  The beginning, although in one sense feels like watching the book, also feels rushed.  For example, Briony is such a sympathetic character in the book -- I remember my own moment when I realized that other people had consciousness as much as I did, and that they existed beyond what I knew of them -- but that's lost in the movie. The movie simplifies and antagonizes Briony, leaving out most of her epiphanic thought processes that take place in Part 1.  She also looks ugly in the movie, which I had a hard time dealing with.

The movie wasn't in all ways inferior to the book.  {Remember, I did say that I thought it was super-good.}  I loved the cinematography of the movie.  I thought Keira Knightley made a top-notch Cecilia, and James McAvoy wasn't as irritating as I had anticipated.  {However, I thought it was tres cheesy when he read his letter out loud.  How many times have you sat in a room by yourself, and read something you've written audibly and clearly, so that someone watching you would be able to understand?  Perhaps only when writing a talk?  Me, too.}

I enjoyed most that the movie made me realize that Cecilia and Robbie really never got to be together.  In reading the book, I read the end and was unaffected.  I felt like I could pick the ending that I wanted, and I wanted an ending where Cecilia and Robbie lived happily ever after.  I watched the movie and realized that the scene when Briony goes to talk to Cecilia could never have happened that way.  I don't know how it would have happened, but it's clear that it's a scene Briony constructed in her mind over years of regret and imagining.

Most importantly of all, I feel like reading Atonement has broken the literary block of ice in which I was encased, and I'm looking forward to doing a lot more reading in 2010.  See you then.

*{Christian and I have a strict no-R-rated-movies policy in our house, but we recently got a ClearPlay DVD player, which edits movies as we watch them.  I now have a Netflix queue stacked with R-rated movies, and I am mos def looking forward to all of them.}

Words I Didn't Know

As previously mentioned, I have started reading The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay. Right now I'm only 31 pages in, but so far it is amazing. I am enthralled. The only difficulty I've encountered is that my present vocabulary has proved insufficient in providing me with all the word meanings that I need. (In doing a Google search of "omniveillant," I find I'm not the only one.) I might, with another book, have skipped over unknown words, but Kavalier & Clay is so engaging that I feel the need to understand all of it. Therefore, I turned to my two favorite resources: the Oxford English Dictionary and Wikipedia. And, at the risk of embarrassing my mother with my inadequate word-knowledge, I decided to post my findings.

ingot- a mass (usually oblong or brick-shaped) of cast metal, especially of gold or silver, and (in modern use) of steel

Clifton "Kip" Fadiman (May 15, 1904 - June 20, 1999) - an American intellectual, author, radio and television personality

Milton Caniff (February 28, 1907-April 3, 1988) - an American cartoonist famous for the Terry and the Pirates comic strip. In 1934, Caniff was hired by the New York Daily News to produce a new strip for the Chicago Tribune/Daily News syndicate. Daily News publisher Joseph M. Patterson wanted an adventure strip set in the mysterious Orient, what Patterson described as "the last outpost for adventure." Caniff, though knowing almost nothing about China, researched the nation's history and learned about families for whom piracy was a way of life passed down over the generations. The result was Terry and the Pirates, the strip which made Caniff famous.

omniveillant- watching over everything*

loupe- a small magnifier used by a watchmaker or jeweller

cineraria- a genus of composite plants, mostly natives of South Africa, with blue or purple flowers, but assuming very various colours under cultivation; they are grown as greenhouse or window plants

prestidigitation- sleight of hand, legerdemain

automaton- something which has the power of spontaneous motion or self-movement

Reichsprotektorat- The Protectorate of Bohemia and Moravia (German: Reichsprotektorat Böhmen und Mähren), the majority ethnic-Czech protectorate which Nazi Germany established in the central parts of Bohemia, Moravia and Czech Silesia in what is today the Czech Republic. It was established on March 15, 1939 by proclamation of Adolf Hitler from Prague Castle following the declaration of establishment of the independent Slovak Republic on 14 March 1939. Bohemia and Moravia as well as the General Government were autonomous Nazi-administered territories which the Nazi government considered part of "Greater Germany." This came to an end with the surrender of Germany to the Allies of World War II in 1945.

pogrom- in Russia, Poland, and some other East European countries in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, an organized massacre aimed at the destruction or annihilation of a body or class of people, especially one conducted against Jewish people; generally, an organized, officially tolerated, attack on any community or group

penury- the condition of being destitute; hardship, poverty, need

lachrymose- given or ready to shed tears; of a tearful character, mournful

James Cagney (July 17, 1899 – March 30, 1986) - an American film star. Although he won acclaim and major awards for a wide variety of roles, he is best remembered for playing "tough guys". In 1999, the American Film Institute ranked him eighth among the Greatest Male Stars of All Time.

acromegaly- a disease characterized by hypertrophy and enlargement of the extremities (hypertrophy- enlargement of a part or organ of an animal or plant, produced by excessive nutrition; excessive growth or development)

odeon- a concert hall or theatre

*After an unsuccessful search in the OED, I Googled "omniveillant" and found that it's not a real word; Michael Chabon invented it and expected his readers, intelligent and familiar with Latin word-roots, to figure it out for themselves.

Important Thoughts 9.0

9.1: Christian and I were looking for Halloween costumes on Thursday night, but weren't having much luck. Christian thought of a costume shop on Western Blvd. that we could go to, only it turned out that the place wasn't open. In fact, it turned out that it wasn't a costume shop at all -- it was a store that sold Indian saris. Christian only assumed it was a costume shop because of all the "costumes" he had seen in the window.

9.2: I opened the trunk of my car a few days ago and found a bunch of clothes I had forgotten about. I found my red corduroy jacket, a woven belt, my fake Ugg boots, my favorite scarf, my black dress, a black t-shirt, a pair of athletic socks, and a sports bra. It was awesome, like going shopping without spending any money. I think that's exactly how the people on What Not to Wear feel.

9.3: Christian insists that we saw Steven Spielberg in a minivan on Western Blvd. yesterday. Christian said he was doing research for his next big movie, and that he was in disguise, which is why the minivan's bumper was falling off. Christian thinks that he must be making a Civil War epic. Christian hopes that he and I will be cast in this movie.

9.4: I found a new way to make gravy. It's called, put the stuff you want in the gravy in the blender and then turn the blender on. It works. Trust me.

9.5: I finished The Fountainhead yesterday. It took me forever. And by "forever," I mean about six weeks. Books hardly ever take me that long to finish. But it was good. It was very good. I'm on an Ayn Rand streak right now -- first I read Anthem, then We the Living, and then The Foutainhead without any real break in between. It doesn't stop here, though. It can't stop. To have any real chance at ever reading Atlas Shrugged all the way through, I feel like I have to just go ahead with it now. Wish me luck.

9.6: Saturday Night Live last night was awful. Just terrible. Ben Affleck was not funny, and also he couldn't keep in character, and also it was obvious that he didn't know the words to the song in Night School Musical: Senior Year Equivalent. David Cook, though, sounded okay.

Books Marked "To Read"

I mentioned before that I'm in search of more good books to read. I just finished Catch-22 and right now I'm reading The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho. I actually have a long-ish list of books marked "to read," most of which were taken from friends' recommendations, but I'm still looking for more. Here's my current list -- feel free to comment, ask questions, and suggest others!

1. The Jane Austen Book Club, by Karen Joy Fowler
2. The Once and Future King, by T.H. White
3. Sabine's Notebook, by Nick Bantock
4. Wicked, by Gregory Maguire
5. The Time Traveler's Wife, by Audrey Niffenegger
6. Why Do Men Have Nipples?, by Mark Leyner
7. To Kill A Mockingbird, by Harper Lee
8. One Hundred Years of Solitude, by Gabriel García Márquez
9. The Kite Runner, by Khaled Hosseini
10. Nicholas Nickleby, by Charles Dickens
11. The Ministry of Special Cases, by Nathan Englander
12. 1776, by David McCullough
13. Mere Christianity, by C.S. Lewis
14. Life of Pi, by Yann Martel
15. Love Is Eternal, by Irving Stone

Important Thoughts 1.0

My first thought for today: remember geometry? Geometry was awesome. I didn't do very well in my high school geometry class. I think I made a C, mostly because I didn't consider turning in my homework a priority. I remember once when I fell asleep in class and I had a dream that a dinosaur came into the room and introduced himself. Unfortunately, I sat on the second row and no one sat in front of me, so my teacher noticed that my head was on my desk and I was twitching in that way that people who know that they aren't supposed to be asleep twitch. Also unfortunately, the side of my mouth was glued to a page of my geometry textbook with drool when she woke me up.

But here's what's great about geometry: it's awesome. Geometry starts out good and ends up great. Let me explain. The first thing you learn about in geometry is the line. I know what you're thinking -- Mary, I already know about lines. Yes, you do, which is exactly my point. Question: What's easier than learning information you already know? Answer: nothing. And that's why geometry starts out good. But easy definitions are just the beginning. Soon you move on to proofs. I love proofs for two reasons. First, they give you the answer. Seriously. And it's not considered cheating. Second, a proof is all about showing everyone else how right you are. I love that.

My second thought for today: I just finished Catch-22 about an hour and a half ago. Holy cannoli, that is one good book. I found the first nine-tenths intriguing and entertaining and amazing; I also found it challenging, and reading it was like running uphill. I've let myself become a lazy reader, and reading real books is more exercise than I'm used to. I need to work on that. Note to self: read more good books. Note to readers: recommend more good books. The last tenth of Catch-22 was perfection. There are no other words. It was perfect. It's like Joseph Heller punched me in the face with his writing and I've only just come to. If I could read one book again for the first time, it would be this book.

My final thought for today: this website is hilarious. If you find the anthropomorphization of animals tiresome and juvenile, then you won't be amused.